If you’ve struggled with getting to know or building a relationship with your young step-kids, there are ways to fix it. I’ve listed out 55 questions for step kids that can open up the lines of communication and help you truly understand them.
Think about those people you’ve had conversations with who have asked you a question (or lots of questions) and genuinely listened to what you have to say.
Is your overall feeling of them positive?
I know it is for me. Those people pop into my mind first when thinking about someone I’d like to talk to, share my struggles with, and/or keep in my life.
The same can be true for step kids.
I know we tend to approach them differently than your average, every-day person. There’s so much more pressure to be successful! But I think if you take a step back, approach them like a new friend you’re trying to get to know, and actively engage them you’ll have great luck building a report with them than can eventually turn into a friendship and someday a loving relationship.
If you don’t have time to read this now, click below to get it printable copy of the questions.
Approaching the Questions and your Step Kids
Start at the beginning
Whether you already have a well-established relationship with your step kids, or you’re struggling to even get them to talk to you, these questions for step kids can help you. And my advice is the same for stepmoms in either of these boats:
Start at the beginning.
What does that mean, you ask?
It means, don’t jump into these questions expecting them to spill their guts to you. And don’t put them under the spotlight and force them to talk if the moment isn’t right. In other words, let your history with them guide your approach.
Start by thinking about where you want to have a casual conversation with them. For our family, it has always been all 5 of us around the dinner table! Maybe for you, it’s taking them one-on-one and getting a coffee.
Whatever it is, put some thought into who, what, when, where, and even why!
Also, approach this as a fun opportunity for you both (or all) instead of a brutal Q & A session. Honestly, there’s not even a good reason to tell them you’ve got a list of questions for them. Just make this a conversation between two people!
About the Questions
As you can tell from the title, these questions are geared for your younger step kids. Some of them are fun and won’t do much but give them a low-stakes opportunity to talk to you.
Some of them are going to hit on some areas that may be a little more controversial, but will hopefully help establish that you can talk about those topics. Obviously, use your best judgment and skip questions that are not appropriate for your family and situation.
Hopefully by now, you and your spouse have discussed your role as a step-parent and you’ll know if any of these questions are outside of those bounds.
Best of luck to you in building a stronger relationship with your step kids!
A few ground rules
To have the best experience possible with your step kids, consider following a few ‘rules’ for yourself in the conversation.
- Don’t interrupt. Anyone who has spent any time around young kids knows this can be hard. Especially if they’re talkers and ramblers. But this is their opportunity to truly talk to you, so let them go to town!
- Don’t rush the moment. Make sure you have plenty of time in your schedule without feeling rushed. Kids are amazingly perceptive and will know if you’re trying to get them to hurry.
- Don’t judge their answers. Again, just allow to talk. This is an amazing opportunity to get to know where they’re coming from, so take mental notes and move on.
- Be nice. I know, I know. This one should go without saying. But I also know some step kids will push ALL. THE. BUTTONS. and try to get you riled up. Don’t take the bait!
- Most importantly, enjoy the time. This should be a pretty mild opportunity to get to know your step-kid(s) better. Have fun!
And without further ado, the questions.
Questions for Step Kids under 12 y/o
Get to know their personality
- What food would you build a car out of?
- What is one item you would want on a deserted island?
- If you could have a superpower, which one would it be?
- What is your favorite toy?
- Who is your favorite movie character?
- Would you choose chocolate or vanilla ice cream?
- What is your favorite (dinosaur, animal, pet, etc)?
- You only get to wear one color for the rest of your life. Which color is it?
- What is your favorite activity at the park?
- Would you rather eat broccoli every day or never eat dessert again?
- What do boogers taste like?
- If you could invent anything, what would it be?
- What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever done?
- What door is your favorite door in the house?
- Which famous person do you want to meet?
Get to know their routine
- What time do you like to wake up in the morning?
- Do you shower in the morning or at night?
- If you were the parent, what one rule would you make?
- Who did you talk to today?
- What was your favorite part of the day?
- What was your least favorite part of the day?
- Which class is your favorite at school?
- If your teacher put you next to one person in class, who would it be?
- Is your bedtime too early? Late? Just right?
- What do you think about the dentist?
- Where is your least favorite place to go potty?
- Where can you go after school that makes you happiest?
- Have you ever gotten in trouble at school?
- What is the last thing you say before falling asleep?
- What would you do if you could pick one thing to do all summer?
Get to know their favorites
- What vegetable would you like to never eat again?
- Who is your best friend?
- What is the funniest joke you’ve ever told?
- What makes you happy?
- If you could play one sport every day, what would it be?
- If you could choose how to do your hair, what would you do?
- Which holiday is your favorite?
- You have to have a ghost live in your room for a year. Which ghost is it?
- What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- How would you spend $100?
- What kind of videos do you watch on YouTube Kids?
Get to know their ‘tough subjects’
- If you could tell Cinderella’s stepmom one thing, what would it be?
- What is your best memory of Dad?
- What is your best memory of Mom?
- What is your least favorite part of being a step-kid?
- What was the scariest part of your parents’ divorce?
- If I stole your candy, who would you tell?
- What is one thing you wish I’d never say to you?
- What is your favorite/ least favorite emotion?
- What do you do if someone says something mean to you?
- When you’re mad, what do you want to do?
- What hurts your feelings?
- What annoys you the most in the world?
- What 3 words describe you?
There you have it. 55 questions to ask you step kids to help build a new or better relationship with them.
I hope you all learn something new and important about each other.
Click below to get a printable version of this list and leave a comment about fun questions you ask you step kids!
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